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What’s A Girl To Do In A Big City If She Can’t Dance?
A Seriously Humorous Look At The 7 Crossroads In Women’s Lives
Publisher: Iuniverse
Publication Date: October, 2006
Distributers: Ingram, Baker & Taylor
ISBN: 0-595-38743-8
Pages: 160
Retail: $13.95
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Reviews: WWW.RAWSISTAZ.COM
RAW Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Loving Yourself
Women everywhere have problems with their self-esteem and loving themselves. Fortunately, there will never be enough self-help or empowerment books. If you're looking for this type of book, you won’t be disappointed in WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO IN A BIG CITY IF SHE CAN’T DANCE? by Taylor K. Sparks. Not only is the title an eye catcher, it's a good lead-in for Sparks as she tells us sisters that we do have some issues, whether we choose to deny or ignore them.
A good example for understanding this book is to compare it to driving on an interstate and paying at various toll booths as you travel towards your destination. Every stop is necessary, but you have to slow down until you reach the toll booth, pay, and then you move to the next one. The book and its teachings are similar. Sparks details the reasons we are in situations which cause turmoil with our feelings and self-esteem, how we should acknowledge them, and then move on. She explains how we should take a good look at our whole body and not just the chest up or the waist down, but the entire body, and appreciate it. We need to also take time for self and become courageous. We have the strength and survival skills, we just don’t know how to tap into them. Basically, we’re smart in some areas, yet clueless in others.
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO IN A BIG CITY IF SHE CAN'T DANCE? is a well-written, must-read book for women wanting to improve their lifestyle. I liked Sparks' simple outline and her humorous take on situations, the problems noted and ways to address them. Realistically, we will always be stopping at a toll booth to redefine ourselves, but if we travel at a decent speed, with caution and a positive attitude, those toll booths will just be something in passing.
Reviewed by Kalaani of The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers www.rawsistaz.com
About The Book
In the indispensable female guide to life What’s a Girl To Do In A Big City If She Can’t Dance?, author Taylor Sparks takes a serious yet humorous look at the seven crossroads that most women come to in their lifetime and shows you how to recognize and acknowledge common areas of difficulty:
• Loving Your Body For Where It Is
• Reclaiming Your Bliss
• Embracing Your Relationships
• Discovering Your Intention
• Salvaging What’s Left of Your Mind
Grown women between the ages of 30 and 50 who are having success in one area of their lives are completely falling apart in other, but equally important areas. In trying to get it and keep it all together, women are hitting major crossroads in their lives. This book will succeed in getting women to put themselves first in their lives, as they had in the past, before the career, marriage and children came along. What’s A Girl To Do In A Big City If She Can't Dance? will address these important crossroads one at a time, dissecting, revealing and explaining how each crossroad can be met head on.
From the Author:
This is a fun inspiring book that you and the women in your life will enjoy! I have included the wisdom and advice that I have learned along my journey through life as well as the wisdom of many of my mentors. Most importantly there is a major Resource Directory that is complete with book listings, websites and contacts; and for your replenishing pleasure the most complete and comprehensive list of African-American owned Day Spas, Inns and Resorts inside and outside of the United States.
You will find relaxation techniques, menus and recipes for your Babes Brunch and how to indulge yourself in some She-She/Poo-Poo Time! So come along and discover your true intentions and how important the women in your life are to your very survival.
Enjoy!
Taylor
TABLE OF CONTENTS
When Stripping Is Not An Option . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii
The Crossroads Of Life
Crossroads 1 When You Are The Only Naked Woman In The Room. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Loving Your Body For Where It Is Right Now
Crossroads 2 Sistah-Girls, Sisters, Moms and Nana. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 The Necessities Of Female Relationships
Crossroads 3 She-She/Poo-Poo Time… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
Reclaiming Your Rights To Relaxation And Replenishment
Crossroads 4 When He Says He’s Not Good Enough For You…Believe Him . . . . . . . 43 Dispirited, Unsatisfactory Relationships With Men
Crossroads 5 There Are Two Ways To A Man’s Heart…One Way Is Through His Stomach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 Appreciative, Loving, Valued Relationships With Men
Crossroads 6 If You Want To Walk On Water, You’ve Got To Get Out Of The Boat . 60 Career Stagnation…Is It Your Time To Move On?
Crossroads 7 Yes, There Is a God. No, It Isn’t You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 Sometimes You Can’t Do It All…The Need for Counseling
An End Note. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85 It’s Been A Slice…of Life
Resource Directory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
Day Spas, Resorts & Recipes—Oh My!
BOOK EXCERPT
Crossroads 3
She-She/Poo-Poo Time…
Reclaiming Your Rights To Relaxation And Replenishment
“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” —Fannie Lou Hamer
“You must replenish the well from which you constantly draw to give to others.” —Taylor Sparks
She-She/Poo-Poo time will remind you of who is most important in this world: you! If you don’t take care of you, who will? If you are not feeding your soul, who will? If you love your children as much as you say you do, then you will take care of their mother. Stop waiting and asking for the gifts of time that you so deserve. Of course we receive them at the expected times of the year—birthdays, Valentines Day, Mother’s Day and Christmas. Now don’t get me wrong, if you get these gifts accept them. All I’m saying is that you need to schedule time for yourself on a regular basis. Why do you find it hard to take time for you after you put in 2080 hours (or more) a year taking care of someone else’s business or your own, taking care of your children or someone else’s? Why do you not deserve a few hundred hours a year solely for you? You are worthy, needing and deserving of this time. Replenishment can come in the smallest of increments of time and space. It can be a simple but powerful ritual of morning prayer or meditation. It does not take much…but some time to call all your own. Morning Ritual Rise 15-30 minutes earlier. Light some candles play some relaxing music or revel in the stillness of the morning. Sit or lay in a comfortable position and take deep cleansing breathes. Give Thanks. Give thanks for having been awakened. Give Thanks for your ability to arise out of bed. Give Thanks for all of your senses. Give Thanks for what you have, small and large. Give Thanks for the ability to love and be loved. Give Thanks to the higher power that guides you. Next, conduct slow, meaningful stretches to awaken your body now that you have awakened your mind and spirit. We are so much in the process of “doing” that we forget the importance of being still—the importance of deep breathing. You need She-She/Poo-Poo time on a regular basis to keep you balanced and in tune with you! I know a sister or two who considers her bi-weekly trip to the nail shop or hair salon her ritual. It gives her “me” time, pamper time, a time to let someone take care of her.
Finding Time For Me
So the question is how do you find the time? Most of our schedules are full, not only with our “stuff” but our kid’s stuff our husband’s stuff and sometimes our aging parent’s stuff too. The first thing to do is to recognize the difference between a Gotta-do and a Want-to-do. Gotta-dos are things that we must absolutely do in order to feel balanced in our lives. Everything else is a Want-to-do. Often times we convert want-to-dos into gotta-dos because we have committed to someone or something. Let me be the first or last to tell you that you don’t “gotta-do” most of what you have committed to do. A number of you have a hard time saying no which is why you have no time for yourself. Take a look at the list below. How many of the want-to-dos are on your gotta-do’s side? This is just the short list. This could go on for pages if I listed all the things that are on our weekly schedules. You may argue that volunteering is your way of giving back to the community and/or school. I don’t argue with that. But you don’t have to volunteer for everything, every time you are asked. You may argue that your children need to be exposed to new things and sports builds character. I agree with that also. But do they need to participate in 3 sports at the same time? Chores around the house also build character and responsibility. My own children participate in sports and music, but one thing at a time.
GOTTA-DO • Go to Work • Go to Church • Feed, clothe, love and shelter your child • Exercising at least 3 times a week to prolong your life. • Eating “right” to prolong your life.
WANT-TO-DO • Voluntarily go in early & work late • Go more than one day a week, volunteer to be on more than one committee. • Signing your child up for every possible extra curriculum activity that you spend 3-6 days a week driving them to. • Volunteering at the school. • Volunteering to be a scout leader • Volunteering to pick up other peoples children and watching them after school (of course you don’t want to ask them to do the same for you) • Putting the needs of the family pet over your own. (of course, they’re family) • Doing all the chores and most of the cooking because it is what you are “supposed to do”.
Finding Me Time Calendar Exercise
This calendar exercise will assist you in finding and taking more time for yourself. Starting with the next month, fill in everything that you Gotta-to-do. They should include items from the list above: exercise, work and some spiritual time. Is there anything that you already committed to do that should be included as a gotta-do, such as a doctor’s appointment for you or the kids? If so, add those. Add any monthly meetings that are not work related, that you must attend, such as a group where you are a member. Do not add any volunteer appointments or meetings. Do not add sports or music lessons or birthday parties that your kids may attend, if you haven’t committed or paid for them yet. Now take a look at your calendar. How much time do you have remaining to fill in some dates just for you? Your exercise is scheduled in so do not change it for anyone or anything. Do you see time for a movie or a massage? Do you see time on the calendar for a girl’s night out? How about a date night with you and your significant other? As you look back into the previous months, where have you been spending all of your time? Driving the kids around from one spot to the next? Volunteering for every event at church, at school or your organizations events? In order to get the time that you want for yourself you are going to have to tell people no. One way to do that is to schedule time for yourself on your calendar. When someone calls or emails asking for your time, you can honestly tell them that you are not available. They do not have to know what you are doing—quite frankly it is none of their business. You have to teach yourself not to fill your schedule with all of the want-to-dos.
Here’s some of my top 10 ways to have She-She/Poo-Poo Time:
10 Ways to Indulge in She-She/Poo-Poo Time
1. Give yourself 15 minutes a day of silence, to meditate, reflect or give thanks. Take a Deep Breath. Get up 15 minutes early or go to bed 15 minutes early to bask in the solitude. No radio. Take a Deep Breath. No television… Take a Deep Breath.
2. Keep a daily journal of your thoughts, prayers, and dreams. Journaling gives you someone to talk to you. Yourself. Your Spirit. Your God.
3. Take a warm bath before bed with several drops of lavender or chamomile Essential oil. Lavender has been used in aromatherapy to promote sleep, relaxation and to relieve anxiety. Studies show that when lavender oil was applied to the hands and feet there was a noticeable decrease in elevated pulse and respiration. Chamomile oils benefits lay in their calming and relaxing abilities, especially on the nervous and digestive systems, the regulating and easing of the menstrual cycle, and the soothing and healing influence on the skin as well as a potent remedy for inflammatory conditions. Read from an inspiring book each night.
4. Shop for your version of sexy underwear: cotton, silk, satin. Catch the bi-annual sales at Victoria’s Secret or quarterly at your local department store.
5. Plan a monthly “Girls-Night” out Enjoy dinner, a play, cocktails & dessert. Go dancing!
6. Plan a Quarterly “Babes Brunch” Girls only, no kids or men! Rotate homes and/or restaurants. Change food themes. Check out—The Cooking Club Cookbook.
7. Have a Power Girls Slumber Party Order in pizza and have sparkling apple cider, beer or wine. Rent ‘girls rule’ videos: Thelma & Louise, Waiting to Exhale, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, GI Jane or Working Girl. Order the slumber party kit at www.redenvelope.com
8. Treat yourself to a quarterly massage or body wrap. The average massage is $75.00. That’s $.6.25 per week. If you bring your lunch from home twice a week you’ll have the money for your massage.
9. The Full Course Poo—The weekend get away for three or four days with girlfriends or alone. A drive-a-way vacation can be as little as $200 (see resources.) If need be, use more than one baby sitter for the weekend.
10. The Ultimate In Poo: Seven days of Tranquillity, Fun in the Sun or Adventure. Consider a Spa Resort for tranquillity. Take a Cruise for 24/7 Fun. Try white water rafting, hiking or a horseback riding tour for adventure.
The Art of Self-indulgence
When I refer to self-indulgence, I am talking about masturbating. Yes, this too falls under the title of me time. Whatever your thoughts on masturbation it has been proven for years that it is not only healthy but recommended to help women learn more about their own sexuality. One of the benefits of masturbation is that it can promote a feeling of being in control of one’s sexual satisfaction without always having to rely on one’s partner for orgasm. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, a woman named Betty Dodson, Ph.D., garnered a lot of attention based on her approach to masturbation. She actually held classes for women to teach them how to masturbate. Some of the more common known benefits to masturbation are: relieves stress and tension, stimulates the immune system, relieves menstrual cramps, helps with insomnia and releases endorphins. Learning the art of self-indulgence can help keep you “sane” while waiting for that special someone to come along. Just because you are not involved with one particular person doesn’t mean that your desires go away. Pleasing yourself and releasing some day to-day stress will actually keep you from jumping on the first thing that comes along like a woman coming upon on oasis in the desert—only to discover halfway through that that cool drink of water is nothing but dry sand. So put yourself in your own hands and be happy every day! If it has been awhile since you have pleasured yourself or have been just to busy to do so, there is additional information in the resource directory. The next step is for you to decide the best way for you to enjoy and indulge yourself in She-She/Poo-Poo Time. Don’t wait another day. Start planning now. I’ll see you on the beaches of the world and call out to you, “SheShe” and I’ll expect an excited response of, “PooPoo”.
Enjoy!
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